So
much happens in a year, especially for us Davis’.
In
the view of the “teenage guinea pig”, the year has brought to us a lot of
growth. Both in communication and in relationships. As first time parents of a
17 (almost 18!) year old, sometimes the waters they dip their feet in are, at
first, cold and bring a shiver. As I get closer to college and being on my own,
and they get closer to letting their first daughter out into the “big, bad
world”, things become more important and words become crucial. As I become more
decisive on what I believe personally and I take more independent steps a minute,
I can feel the loving trust they daily bestow upon me. Do I always make good
use of it? No. As I’ve struggled with boys, religion, and trusting God the
unhindering love of my parents has made them stead fast as they watch me hurt
and struggle. The year didn’t come without arguments and it doesn’t continue
without them either. As parent(s) and daughter, we’re learning on a daily basis
how to communicate better and more clearly. We’re also learning-assumptions are
evil. Lol
As
they’ve allowed me to go to a school 30-45 minutes away I’ve had to take on a
more serious responsibility whether I wanted it or not. There is always that subconscious
need to care for the siblings….when I wanted to. Never before had Marianna and
I ever had the same group of friends. Well, we haven’t even been in the same
school for a couple years. I never know what to expect from my truly opposite,
2 years younger, sibling. I sometimes forget that I’m not the only one growing
and one day I catch a glimpse of my two beautiful sisters as Kathryn shoots up
past me in height (and feet) and Marianna’s quiet, gentle spirit becomes more
sensitive and outspoken. Marianna at 15 and Kathryn at 13. I often remember
myself at such ages and thank God that I am the eldest and was the one to break
the cold, hard ice for my two best friends.
I
feel older than 17 most days as my body aches and reminds me I’m no longer the
flexible, anti-tired 5 year old I once was. Of course, my life doesn’t come
without feeling younger in maturity, but I can’t help looking at myself in the
mirror and thinking, “I am not the same.” I am softer some days and bolder in
others, but I stay me.
Yes,
the pressure of only one more year of high school gives me the jitters. One minute
I feel ready to go and feel like a grown woman, an adult. However, the next I
still feel somewhat frail and I’m not sure I want to leave my four best friends
in the world. I get asked where I want to go in life and the honest answer is:
I really don’t know. Lol The answer is nowhere near satisfying to my spirit or
heart (I can only imagine how that answer must unsettle my parents), but that’s
why they have 12 whole years of school before hand for us.
Continuing
my adventure as Taylyr Davis, I find that life doesn’t get any easier, but it’s
as hard as you choose to perceive it. You won’t always get answers you want or
answers at all. The cold, hard truth of being in your late teens is that people
are trying to decide how to deal with you now that you’re no longer a child,
yet you’re not quite an adult. You’re going to have days that you’re tired and
restless, and then days that you want someone’s arms around you while you cry.
However, there will also be days where you feel yourself morphing into that
adult you’ll very soon be and you’ll feel radiant and special.
I
re-read old journals and I know I’m not a little girl anymore. It’s scary. But
it’s exciting.
Be
praying and Merry Christmas!
Love,
Taylyr Jane Davis
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