I imagine everyone has looked at themselves at least once in their lives and realized how far off the road they've been. If you somehow have missed this part of life I applaud you. Does this make you feel good? Not really, no.
The saddest part may be that all along you believed that you were on the road....what a blow!
A ministry is a hard rodeo. Some days it feels like you have the toughest bull in the pen and other days it's a piece of ice cream cake (oreo to be exact). On my road to ministry (still travlin'!) I've had times where I felt completely blindfolded. No clue. I can't see the bull until I'm well on and shaken. When I do look it in the eyes the fear flashes over me and all I want to do is put the blindfold back on. I liked it better when I was convinced everything was fine and dandy! But where is the peace? Was the sweep of calm on vacation? Did I put His voice on mute? Fine and dandy just don't cut it after staring that beast in the eye. All of a sudden you see the broken heart. You feel the stab of disappointment. The fear itself engulfs you knowing it's not hidden anymore. The blindfold isn't there to "protect" you anymore.
You're a big kid now! Go fight the beast! It's not that easy. I'm not strong enough. While you're sitting there defeated and ready for a fate you feel the slightest bit of warmth. That warmth surges through you; new and vibrant! Your worn, hard feet are now soft and smooth! Your hands, cramped and tired, are now strong! Your heart, disappointed and hurt, is now renewed and safe! You look up to see Him. Jesus; a father, a son, and a holy spirit. Jesus; a healer, a protector, and a friend. Jesus; a king, a servant, and wisdom itself. Wow... Tears fall down your new face with a healing sparkle as you take the hand; HIS hand. Once you do the beast is gone, shattered, dead FOREVER.
THIS is victory: when you take His hand because you realize you can't do it alone.
Not everyone is made for a ministry quite like mine. I'm not even sure what my ministry is yet. Do I want to know? I would LOVE to know! But I'm not ready yet. He is more than willing to wait for me to be ready. Self-dependency is soo overrated. ;)
